Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
