So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I want to be your penis for a week.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
