I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
