You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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