i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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