Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
