You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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