So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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