Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
