So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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