I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
