I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
