It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
