i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
