i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
