I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
