We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Two words: blizzard sex
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
