It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
