Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
