Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My dick has a subreddit
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
