woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
