I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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