He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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