I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
