My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
