I smell stomach acid.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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