so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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