Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
