so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
