So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
