I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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