If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
