great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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