Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
