The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
