i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
