so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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