so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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