No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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