i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
