Capitaan dildo arrescate!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
