Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
