Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
