Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
