her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
