Can i not drive my cunt home
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
