I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
