i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
