Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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