my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
