The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
