I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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